5dp-IUI.

Just gonna be a short update, since I'm too tired to think straight, haha! Today has been a great day!! Spent a lot of time with my wonderful Husband, laid in bed, cuddling and watching movies. He rubbed and kissed my belly SOOOO much Today, saying "baby in there" in a baby voice. It was BEYOND cute!! He is absolutely sure that I am pregnant, and I have a strong feeling I am too. :) The past like 2 days I have been craving nothing BUT sugar..LoL and still very very hormonal! Been having some pelvic pain [as always] but ever since I started the Femara and did IUI it's been a little worse than normally, the nurse said that it could happen... I also weigh 2 more pounds since I did IUI, so that is good!! The progesterone pills have been making me very very tired and way hormonal too, but gotta take them and I'll do whatever it takes. This 2ww seems to be going so slow for me, I'm not nervous about the 4th [testing day] I actually excited, but wish the 2ww was over already and it was Jan 4th so I can get my BFP!! :) I have so much faith in this cycle and I have put it in God's hands.

Our First IUI.

So we just got out of the Fertility Clinic from doing IUI. They did another ultrasound, everything looked SO perfect. So they got my ready. The only thing that hurt was the speculum, other than that it was fast and didn't hurt. Bruce not only got to watch but he got to inject his spermies into me!! I thought that was pretty neat! He did too, hehe! Then I laid there a little over 20 minutes. Then Today I'm gonna stay in bed and rest. :) They also put me on the 100mg Progesterone pills and I start those Monday. The pregnancy blood test is Jan 4th in the early am. I can't wait til the 4th! This 2ww is gonna be long! But glad the Holidays will keep me plenty busy. They also gave me another ultrasound picture of the Follicle. :) Since I've been making a Fertility Scrapbook for our baby! Thought it would be really neat to have a pic of the Follicle. :) My Husband and I are feeling very positive about this! And I know we will be getting out BFP in 2 weeks! Please pray for us and keep us in your thoughts, thank you! :)

Our 2nd IUI Appt.

Vlog on our 2nd IUI Appt. :)


My left ovary and my one follicle!! GO FOLLIE!! :) You can do it!! I have faith in you! :)

My Trigger Shot, didn't hurt one bit!! Was scared when I saw the needle though, LoL!!!

Got My 1st Trigger Shot.

So I got my 1st Trigger Shot in the mail Today, had to have it to bring to my 2nd IUI Appt Tomorrow. They are going to look at my Follicles and see how big they are and how many eggs I have. If it all looks good and right then the nurse will give me the Trigger Shot at my Appt. Which I'm hoping, because I don't wanna give it to myself..LOL! I'm really excited and can't wait to see my Follies!!! :) I hope they are how my Fertility Dr needs them to be able to do IUI. I hope I will be able to sleep Tonight, because I am way too excited. I have another Appt in the early am, to get off my Klonopin...man that's gonna be tough on my body. I'm already off my anti-depressants and bi-polar/sleeping meds for IUI. But it'll be worth it. :) When Hubby got home, we opened up the box with the shot in it...and I'm thinking..."I can not stab myself with that" LOL!!! Now I hope the Femara did it's job and I will be getting my Trigger Shot Tomorrow, then IUI either Friday or early this coming week!! :)

Wordless Wednesday.

So since we don't have our tree or anything Christmas up yet, I'll add some recent pictures for my Wordless Wednesday. :) Enjoy!!


Me, after seeing New Moon for the 2nd time. :) Dec 12, 2009


Me, after getting my hair trimmed. Crappy cell picture. Dec 11, 2009.


Romeo, Isabella and Juliet. Nov 2009.


Angel. Nov 2009.


Mommy and Destiny, our Husky at the dog park. Sept 4th, 2009.

Femara: My body Has Other Plans.

So last night I could not sleep because the Femara, it made me SO tired but when I went to fall asleep it took me hours, til I put Michael Jackson's music on, some slow songs, then I passed out. ;) But I kept waking up, in pain and having hot flashes from hell!! I am use to the hot flashes because the Lupron shot, and I still get them, but the Femara has made it way worse. And now I was looking on MySpace, and someone posted stuff about their pregnancy [very happy for them] but I just broke down and started crying...WTH??? I am also extremely neasous, I don't think I can even eat. I call the Fertility Clinic to see if I could be having all this so early, and they said yeah...well that sucks. I was hoping to have very little symptoms, but I guess my body has other plans for me. As always. The people at this Pharmacy called yesterday for the delivery for my Trigger Shot, and I'm really hoping my Insurance pays for them!! If not then it's fine, but would be nice if they will. :) We shall see! I should my Trigger Shot Thursday the 17th, then the nurse said we will see Thursday when we will be doing the IUI. I thought she said a day or 2 after the Trigger Shot, but they wanna look at the Follicles and get the timing right. But they said on Thursday I may not get my Trigger Shots, depends on where I'm at and everything. But YAY! I'm so excited. And I'm so glad they are gonna get Hubby's good spermies. :) I'm feeling so positive and I just know out of these 3 rounds of IUI one is going to work and we will finally be parents!! :)

Our First IUI Appt.

So the nurse called us in Today for an Ultrasound to check my ovaries and make sure I didn't have any cyst, and I don't so that is very good!!! I have a lot of Follicles already. but they are sleeper ones, have 2 big ones in both ovaries so that is very good. they wanna get atleast 2 in each ovary. but no more than that because they don't want me having triplets because of my weight.They have me Femara and I'm gonna start that Tonight, and take it for 4 days. Then I have another Appt next Thrusday for another Ultrasound and Trigger Shot. The deadline for IUI was 3 days after I called because the Holdidays, so I called just in time! I think that is a sign. :) I am really excited about this and feeling very very positive about this all. We already paid for 3 rounds of IUI, and boy that was expensive, but I'm glad we got that outta the way. Now on to getting me pregnant with Baby Hang!!! :)

My Results.

So Today was day 10 of being late, and I could just feel, like I knew I was pregnant because I have never been that late, even with my 3 pregnancies, always had my periods. So I don't know if this is a new problem, but something I will have my Fertility Dr look into. The past few days I haven't slept, but a few hours, been waking up screaming and crying from the pelvic pain[Endo just sucks!] I even started the 2 kinds of Morphine pills and it still just wasn't helping. Needs more time to get use to my body and in my blood. But I would think the instant release ones would help, I'd take them and the pain would lessen for like an hour or so, but not take it away, then take some Percocets and they worked better. I think I need my PCM to just up the dose, because he started me on a low dose because too much Morphine can make you stop breathing. Well I woke up this morning, after sleeping for about 5 hours, and Bruce was home from lunch. I woke up screaming and crying from the pain. I didn't wanna wait for my blood test results to come back so I chose to go POAS and see what happens, well I take my purse, with my meds in it, into the bathroom, because I was gonna take a hot bath to help with the pain. As I went to POAS I saw blood....I instantly started crying my eyes out, my Husband runs in there and I show him... I was only spotting, but then as the hours went on it's heavy now... AF has finally arrived.... I couldn't stop crying, I knew we were gonna do IUI if I wasn't pregnant, but that does not make it ANY less easier.... I think this is the hardest cycle I have EVER been through... So I just got off the phone with my PCM's nurse and the blood test came back...BFN.... I hung up the phone and dropped it and started bawling again...then picked it my BlackBerry up and called my Husband and told him the news... I could hear it in his voice... His heart breaking, breaking with mine... 2 broken hearts... I really don't know what else to say, and I know I have all my girls, but I don't know if any words right now will help me feel any better, at all. I know there is still hope with IUI but right now I feel as if I can not go on... I kept asking my Husband after AF came, "Why is God doing this when we would make the best parents ever." "I don't understand why we have to go through this." He is always so positive and without him I could not get through any of this. I really look up to him for being so positive each month AF comes, and he always says, "There's always next months baby." He is right, "always next month" But it's been 3 years..so what 36 months now...?? But he has a way of keeping me positive and hopeful for the next month. And I love him so much for it. I really thought I was finally pregnant after all this time, physical pain and all the heartbreaks, but I guess I was wrong...

Dear Santa.

I wrote Santa last night, and putting the letter under the tree... ;)

I know it's been about 15 years or so since I have wrote to you. I have a few things I want to ask you this year. If I am not pregnant, can IUI please work?? I will be honest with you Santa, I think if these 3 rounds of IUI don't work, which I'm pretty sure a round will work, but if not, then I think I may be done with TTC. And we adopt. You see Santa Infertility has really made my depression much worse and it just seems to be dragging me so down into a hole, I can not climb my way out of it. I've tried my hardest, and I can't. The pain from the Endometriosis just keeps getting worse and worse, and even with all the pain meds, it hardly helps and I can't go through life going through this pain and being on all these pain killers. After 3 years of TTC and Infertility, Santa, may I please have my BFP this Christmas? It would be the most wonderful Christmas, of my life. I wanna ask you 2 more things, Santa. With my Endo and Lupus will you, I know this is asking a lot for you, I know they can't be cured, but please help me get through my pain, and help my PCM get me into the Rheumologist as fast as he can, thank you. And as for my Husband, I already know what he wants for Christmas and it's the same as mine, but can you please help him deal with his Iraq stuff and help him with his shoulder pain from the scrapnel that's in there. I hate seeing him in pain, as he hates seeing me in pain. I know I am asking a lot this Christmas, for the past 3 years and many years I have asked you 1 thing and sometimes nothing. Thank you so much Santa.

Doctor's Appt.

So I went to see my PCM for a blood test, and well the results won't come in til the end of the day, so he's gonna call me and let me know if it's a BFP or BFN. Still no AF, I'm 7 days late. So we'll see in about 4-6 hours. He also took me off the Fentanyl patch and put me on Morphine. [for my chronic pelvic pain from Endo] Which I thought Fentanyl was stronger, but Morphine is stronger and the strongest pain killer. He put me on the long lasting ones, I take in morning and night, then he gave me the instant release ones, so I won't have to take Percocets for break through pain. But I'm not taking it until I know the results. He also said it's less of a risk to the baby than Fentanyl so that's good. If I' not pregnant now, then I'll be on the Morphine til I do get pregnant, then he will wing me off once I'm pregnant, but hopefully he calls with a BFP!!!! :) He also said I could be up to 2 months pregnant, since in Oct I had the weirdest cycle. So we shall see!! KEEP THEM CROSSED!! I feel really good about this. I have NEVER been 7 days late or gained over 10 lbs in a week. Now the waiting is gonna kill me. I hate waiting esp for results!!! And if I'm not pregnant than IUI! I'm really hoping I get my Christmas BFP!!!

Results.

So as soon as we got there they weighed me, and I weigh 107!!!!!!! :) So I'm very happy about that. I did eat a lot before going. But YAY 107!!!!! I'm gonna get to my goal, 120. :) Then they did a urine test...came back negative.. My heart felt like a bullet went through it. There are like NO words to describe how I feel right now... Then they gave me my first Progesterone shot, to make AF come. It is also the same shot I will be taking everyday when I'm pregnant til I'm 12 weeks to keep me from miscarrying. Didn't know it was the same shot, kind of interesting. It didn't hurt at all. The nurse said if I don't start in 2 weeks call them, then I'm most likely pregnant. So hopefully AF won't come at all. But if so they want me to call them when AF comes and then set up IUI. Sigh... I am so crushed right now... I thought we were finally gonna walk out of that Clinic with great news... I really have no words to say...

AF??? Pregnant???

So Today is day 5 of being late. So I had called my Infertility Dr and spoke to 2 of the nurses. I explained to them what is going on, that Today is day 5 of being late and that I also have gained 10 lbs in a week, which is weird for me because I have had a problem gaining weight my whole life. I weigh 104.6 and that's the highest I have ever weighed in my entire life and I'm 21. So I dunno what is going on. They want me to come in asap Today because I am at such high risk if miscarrying, and they need to know when I'm pregnant asap. They are going to do a pregnancy test and give me an injection to make my period start. I have never had any kind of injection like that before, so kinda nervous. And if the test comes back that I am not pregnant, I'm gonna try my hardest to be strong, and tell myself I am doing IUI now so no need to be upset. But we will see how that goes. This all is just weird and I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up, but I kind of did. I also have never had any problems with getting my period. I can always feel it coming because of how bad the Chronic Pelvic Pain gets [from the Endo] and it has gotten very bad as if I am starting, but nothing... I guess we will find out this afternoon. Sigh. I know whatever happens, happens for a reason.

My first 3 Blogger Awards.

So I have gotten 3 Blogger Awards from 3 very lovey ladies. It has really touched my heart to know that I have such great woman there for me, supporting me and keeping me sane through my Infertility Journey. Not just the 3 woman who gave me these awards but to all of you. Ya'll are truly amazing and the BEST support system, other than my Husband of course. :) So here I'll start with the first award and so on. I don't know too many of you that actually have a Blog, so I may mention you twice. But for the ladies who do not have Blogs, thank you for everything, and I will always be here for you, all of you. :)

Thanks again to Kate from Busted Plumbing

The rules for this award:

• Put Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
• Nominate atleast 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Let the nominees know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award from.

1) Kaitlin from Ah... My Married Life
2)100daysofIVF from Chasing a Mircale
3) Lisa from Waiting Lisa
4) Jenn from The Road To Happily Ever After
5) Becca from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog
6) Pregnant Yuppy
7) Tracy from Mission To Baby
8) Good Eggies
9) PCOSChick from His&Hers Infertility (Just Like The Matching Towels)
10) Cara from Living my Life With PCOS


Thanks again to 100daysofIVF from Chasing A Mircale.

The rules of this award:

• Each Superior Scribbler must turn in the award to 5 most deserving bloggy friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whome he/she received the award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link this post, which explains the award.
• Each Blogger who wins the Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
  

So here is 5 Bloggers. (Not in any order!)
1) Kaitlin from Ah... My Married Life
2) Becca from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog
3) Lisa from Waiting Lisa
4) 100daysofIVF from Chasing a Mircale
5) Kate from Busted Plumbing


Thanks to Kaitlin From Ahh... My Married Life

Rules for this award:

• Share 7 things you don't know about me.
• Name 7 other blogs to receive this award.
• Leave a comment on each of their blogs I nominated.
• Thank the person who gave you the award.

7 Things You Don't Know About Me:
1) My Husband is my First Love, First serious Boyfriend, First everything. And I have been with him since I was 14 years old.
2) I was born in Florida, but raised in Oklahoma. Moved to Alaska when I was 18 to be with my Husband (he's in the Army) Now we live in Colorado.
3) I don't spell Roxie, Roxee or Roxi. I spell it Roxy. But I prefer to be called by Roxanne, but call me Roxanne or Roxy, up to you.
4) Michael Jackson is just my everything and has touched my heart in so many way. He also had Lupus, and I really look up to him, for living his life and not letting this awful disease run his life. He is my insperation. And I can be in the WORST possible mood and put his music on and be in the happiest mood. I've been listening and dancing to Michael Jackson since I was 4 years old.
5) I was adopted by my Grandparents. My sisters, brother and I finally got to live with my Mother and Father when I was 17 for about 7 months, then my Mother died during that time, while my Husband was in Iraq. I had found her body, now I have PTSD. And just miss her beyond words can say, we were very very close.
6) When my Husband was in Iraq for 16 months 05-06, he got mortared(basically a flying bomb)and it almost killed him. He has scrapnel in his shoulder and forearm, and hurts him really bad. And I wish I could take his pain away and do something for his PTSD.
7) My Husband is Asian (Vietnamense) and I don't like any type of Asian food, only the rice, LOL!!!

The 7 people I am giving this award to.
1) Kate from Busted Plumbing
2) 100daysofIVF from Chasing a Mircale
3) Becca from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog
4) Cara from Living my Life With PCOS
5) Lisa from Waiting Lisa
6) Pregnant Yuppy
7) PCOSChick from His&Hers Infertility (Just Like The Matching Towels)

3 Years.

So Today marks 3 Years of TTC. I'm not really upset about it, just kinda shocked that it has taken us 3 Years. When we first started I didn't think it would take us as long as it has... But I'm gonna stay positive because I know God has a plan for us and he is not putting us through Infertility for no reason. And we are doing IUI soon. So I am gonna stay positive about it all. Everything happens for a reason and I know that now. On other note: AF still has yet to come, today would make me 4 days late. I really hope she does not show Today of all days, that would be sucky. But I wish she'd hurry up and come so we can do IUI! :) Gonna stay positive all day, stay positive Roxanne!!!! ;)

Why We Must Wait?

As I lay here in bed, watching the clock change and hit 2:37am, I can't help but wonder why me or any other woman must go through Infertility? Out of all the other woman on Earth, having babies and getting pregnant, he picks us to go through Infertility? Not knowing rather or not we will be a Mother. As I think of all my Friends that have children/pregnant [yes I am happy for them] I can't help but wonder why them and not me? I know that it does not make me any less blessed, but why must I wait years and these woman wait months? I know God has a plan for all of us, and that obviously they were not meant to go through Infertility and we are. I think God picks out the woman that are tough enough to handle Infertility, because a lot of woman can hardly go through a couple months of TTC. I knew having a baby was a blessing, but 3 years of going through Infertility it has really opened my eyes and see how huge of a blessing a baby truly is. And I would never give up nor give up on my baby. Because giving up is the same as giving up on your baby. And that I could never do, no matter how bad my heart is aching or how bad my Chronic Pelvic Pain is from Endometriosis from TTC. I do know I will be a Mother, there is no doubt about it, what so ever. When God thinks it's the right time he will bless my Husband and I with a beautiful healthy baby. Me and every woman going through Infertility, God does have a plan for us, and we will have our baby, when the time is right. I think he puts us through Infertility to make us stronger so we will be the best Mothers there ever were, to see how much a blessing a baby truly is, to learn from it and to see how far we are willing to go for our baby. I don't have the answer on why we must wait and go through Infertility, but I do know God is putting us through Infertility and making us wait for a reason.

I'm still laying in bed and it's now 3:10am and my Percocets and muscle relexor have kicked in, I'm still having some Pelvic Pain and my back still hurts, but I think I can actually sleep now. AF is 2 days late, but I know she's on her way because of how bad my Pelvic Pain is. [And the period cravings, hehe] When she does make her appearance I'm going to try my hardest not to get more depressed than I already am, because we are doing our 1st round of IUI in December or January. And that is something to really look forward to and I just know it will work. And no matter what happens my Husband is always here, helping me through this and keeping me positive [so are all you ladies!] A few hours ago we watched a movie and at the end a couple had a baby and it really put me down. My Husband knew right away and just ignored the movie and held me and started rubbing my belly and saying "I know you are upset but by this time next year we will have our baby and you will have the cutest bump. Soon my love." And those words instantly put me in a positive mood and I know that he is right. I don't know how he does it, he always puts me in a positive mood about it and just knows what to say. And I'm so blessed to have such a great man as my Husband and standing behind me through all of this. My Thanksgiving was great, so was Black Friday and my weekend! I will post some pictures up later when I get them from my BIL. :) I hope ya'll had a great Thanksgiving!! :)

HSG.

So I had my HSG this morning and man the pelvic pain from that is worse than the HSC. Endo really sucks! My tubes are great! So I'm glad for that. One of the nurses are gonna call in about a week, after our blood work gets back, for an appt about treatment. So we'll see. Suppose to be doing IUI this coming cycle, may do it in January. I have hope and faith and I know it'll work out for my Husband and I. He got the day off to take care of me, so that's nice! I'll do the 5 things later...

HSC.

I had my HSC done, hurt me beyond bad! I'm still having the worse pelvic pain. For those that don't know what a HSC is, it's where they stick a camera up you and into your uterus and take pics. Everything looks great he said, nothing wrong with the inside of it, looks perfect for a baby. Once he hit my cervix I started crying because it started hurting me and he seemed mean and was like do you want to start? I said no just do it. Then after he was done he was all like how are you going to handle being pregnant if your already so miserable now and how you reacted when I hit your cervix, you may still have pain from the Endo when your pregnant. You may need to find another way to have a baby, like someone else carry your baby or adoption. I told him I would be able to handle it. And when he said you may need to find another way, I'm laying there thinking wtf. I know I will be able to handle the pain, I've done it plenty of times without any pain meds. I haven't TTC 3 years just to let someone else carry my child or adopt. But anyways, everything looked great and I'm glad. I have the HSG tomorrow. I'm just so glad the HSC is out of the way and I did it first.

A Thousand Maybes.

My Husband and I have been thru so much in the 6 years and 9 months. We've been married 2 years 11 months and while we've been married it's been one thing after another. I know that God has a huge great plan for us. Do you know why I believe that? The Devil tries so hard to break us apart and the fact that we are still together, happy and strong. I don't know what the Lord has planned for us, but when it happens we will definitely know.

Maybe God hasn't want us to conceive these past 3 years, maybe because He thinks we haven't been ready, or maybe because I didn't know about some of my health problems, maybe because of all my health problems, maybe because we were having money issues, maybe he knew/thought we would miscarry again if we got pregnant then, maybe because... Well I'm running out of "maybes" because I honesty don't see why God hasn't given us the most blessing of all, because we are over ready and would be the greatest parents. Just maybe he wanted to put us thru Infertility so we would know how much a blessing a baby is. There could be a thousand maybes, but only God knows and only God knows when we will be blessed with our Miracle baby. But infertility has opened my eyes and taught me things like being negative and being stressed will get you no where, that there is a reason for everything, that a baby is the most blessing you can receive, that creating a life with your Husband out of love, is the most beautiful thing. Most days I am positive, but once AF comes I get discouraged and sometimes feel like giving up. But I think giving up on my Dream to be a Mother would be worse then going thru all the heartbreaks and physically pain each month, because that's all I've ever wanted to do, is be a Mother. I will never give up on having our own child until I'm holding our sweet baby in my arms. But those days when I start to think negative and giving up, I just imagine myself holding our baby, getting up at all hours of the night to feed our child, changing diapers, giving our child a bath, rocking our baby to sleep, and the one that ALWAYS puts a huge smile on my face and turns that negatively into positive is picturing Bruce holding our child. I see how he is with other babies/kids and how he fathers our Fur-Babies he will be the best Daddy, no question about it. And he also keeps me positive. He is so great to me and wants a baby so bad, probably more than me, LoL. He LOVES Kids. Before he joined the Army he was in college to be a Kindergarten teacher. Too cute, I know! :) But I do know it will happen when the tine is just right.

Got a very busy week this week. Tomorrow Pre-op at the Fertility Clinic and Therapy, also Hubby's Appt for his shoulder, Wednesday HSC, Thursday HSG. So gonna be a busy and painful week. Just hoping the HSC and HSG comes back perfect like last year. So I should get some rest, I'll be a littke busy bee tomorrow. Goodnight ya'll!

Waiting Wednesday.

So Today I waited around for the Nurse at the Fertility Clinic to call me, to set up my HSG and HSC for next week. Well I have my pre-op on Monday, then my HSC on Wednesday and my HSG on Thrusday. Last year I had them they really hurt me because of the Endometriosis and my Chronic Pelvic Pain, and it just makes it a million times worse!!! I am really not looking forward to getting them done. but I will do anything to have this baby. And I have done a lot, I do something everyday for my child. I go through physical pain. And it's so worth it. :) I'm putting it in God's hands. He knows what he is doing and I have faith in him.

Our Fertility Appt.

So just got home from our Fertility Appt, and it went really great!!! We are doing 3 rounds of IUI, 1st round next cycle, since I just started my period on the 1st, which is good because we don't have to wait a whole another month, to do all the testing before IUI, which I have already done, but they wanna do it again since it's been a year. Bruce and I both got blood work done while we were there, then next week I am doing HSG and HSC [again, and MAN they hurt so bad!!!!] Then a few days after my next cycle starts they are giving me Femara pills for a few days, so when I ovulate, I have more than 1 egg. Then IUI on the 15th day. They are also freezing a like 3 samples of his spermies. Just in case he leaves here soon. They are also gonna pick out his good sperm. I have a really good feeling about this!!! I really do. Then once I am pregnant I will be getting that shot everyday for 12 weeks to keep me from miscarrying. So we'll see!! :) I have the best feeling about this!!! God does know what he's doing and I have faith in him!! :)

Some pics from Today.


Mommy & Isabella. :)


Juliet sunbathing, as always. :)


Juliet and Angel, wanting Mommy to pick them both up, LoL!


And Me. :)

My 21st Birthday.*UPDATED*

So I turned the big 2-1!! today!! Bruce got me a diamond bracelet, 2 paris of new wedges (I LOVE shoes!!!) a dozen roses another Michael Jackson shirt! Then took me to Chilies! I was able to order my first drink! Hehe!! I got a very yummy Strawberry Daiquiri! Then Saturday we go going to FoCo to celebrate it with his family. I had a great birthday just wish I coulda spent it with my family and friends back home!!


He's the best!


My first drink as being 21, haha!!! Strawberry Daiquiri is very yummy!!


**We went to see his family in FoCo, it was really fun!! We went bar hopping, knew a DJ at this one bar, he played Michael Jackson for me, hehe!!**

Michael Jackson's Funeral.

On Sept 3rd Michael Jackson was finally laid to rest, after 2 months of his death. It showed some coverage of his Funeral. The guest, his Kids and Family, and then Michael arrived. They open the casket door's and his Brother's were the Pallbearer, then that's all it showed. I cried through the whole thing, esp when I saw his Kids and saw the Herse with his beautiful casket. Sigh. I didn't want to believe it was real, but it really is.... It also brought me back to my Mother's Funeral, was just very hard for me. Sigh. *You can finally rest now Micheal, I love you and you will forever be in my heart. I miss you and was really looking forward to your World Wide Tour and seeing you. But I know I'll see you. Rest in peace Handsome*

Here;s what they show:

EFMP Appt

So Yesterday we had to go back to the EFMP Lady and get more info, then just had to drop off my paperwork to my Dr, just stating I can not be in the sun or extra heat because it makes Lupus worse, so once I get the paperwork back, we go from there. It's really lame that they are trying to move us, but since he Reclassed, everything changed. So we are working on another Compassionate Reassignment to just stay where we are, unless they wanna give us a better base, then I am up for that. But I'd rather just really stay here because I got all my Doctors and everything and moving will be way way too stressful for me right now. We were gonna go to Oklahoma for the 21st on the 16th but we have this to do, so we aren't going. So I have no idea what I'm gonna do for my 21st yet... Any ideas???? ;)


My smile melts my heart!!!!

Michael Jackson is getting buried Tonight, FINALLY. He deserves to rest in peace. My heart just really goes out to his 3 Kids and his Family. He is still my inspiration and always will be. If he can dance and stuff with the SAME type of Lupus I have, then I can too. But I'm sure he was on meds for his, but he still lived his life to the fullest, and I just really look up to him and he had touched my heart in so so so many ways. He was the most beautiful person on this earth, inside and out. *I LOVE YOU MICHAEL! And I'll be lighting a candle Tonight at the time for your burial, I miss you and I know your in Heaven smiling down.*

Michael Jackson's 51st Birthday!!!

So I celebrated Michael Jackson's 51st Birthday with my twin sister Today!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!! I love and miss you more than you know. I wish you were still here with us Today, but I know you are in a better place.




Not EVEN a QUARTER of my Michael Jackson collector Magazines. :)






A kiss for Michael!!!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!!

I took Tash up into the good ol Colorado Mountains yesterday since she had never gone. It was BEYOND gorgeous!! We had a blast, but of course we always have so much fun when we are together!! ;) We did some climbing, looked at the most amazing views, soaked out feet in cold water, hehe and of course took about 200 pictures, hehe!! Love you chicky!!

Mountains Aug 22, 2009.

AIT#2:Day Sixty.

Went to Court Today, was scared but everything turned out okay, now just home in worlds of pain because I started.... So most likely will be going to the ER later since I'm low on my pain meds, and they ain't even working anymore... *sigh* I am just really down Today, just sitting here listening to Michael Jackson, while Tasha is taking a nap... Only 2 days until my Love is home!!! I can't wait. :) See him day after Tomorrow!! EEEK!!! I got a lot of things I need to get done Tomorrow, but we will see how much pain I am... Too much is on my mind right now, I had a lot I wanted to put down but now my mind is going crazy and I can't remember..ha.. So yeah... Just gonna rest all day and hopefully get out of this "depressed" mood...


One of my favorites!!! LOVE THE DANCING!!! DAMN!!!!!!! MISS YOU MJ!!

AIT#2:Day Fifty-Seven.

So didn't do too much Today because I was in so much pain. Sat out about 2 hours trying to sell Destiny's puppies. A lady gave me a check, that I can't cash til Tomorrow, to hold onto the other white one, and will give me the rest of the money next week. Other than that, no luck... And there was no shade...and with Lupus, your NOT ALLOWED in the sun, so we left because I couldn't take it anymore. Now just home and resting and just in so much pain and there steroids and I'm about to start, so I'm PMS'ing, so both of those are just making me SO bitchy, hahaha. Just gonna chill with my Sis and Kids and talk to my Hubbs, then just gonna go to bed... Man, going bed on a Friday night, I feel so OLD!! HAHAAH!!!!














8 weeks old Today, just some of them!!! :) First time Outside!!

AIT#2:Day Fifty-Six.

So the steriods are actually helping!! I am still in a lot of pain but it is giving me a lot of energy and helping with my feet swelling. But they are still swollen and now my hands are starting to swell and hurt...will this flare up ever go away?!! My Doctors are trying to get me into the Rhuemologist ASAP because of how bad my flare up is. The wait is backed up for 4 more months. So hopefully I can get into this other place ASAP, if not, I'll have to go to Denver. But I am fine with that.


Here are some pictures of Destiny's puppies!!





TOO CUTE, I KNOW!!!!!! 8 weeks old!!

AIT#2:Day Fifty-Five.

So I started my steroids Today and it has giving me energy and I feel a tad bit better. So some people, that I am on, the steroids is just as bad as Chemo, I just threw up once. Tasha was on the same steroids in Alaska. and I saw our sick it made me, and I was SO scared to take it, but it's helping, but I am sill in SO much pain, but I've only taking them once, and I'll be on them for 2 weeks, so we will see how it goes. So didn't really do much Today, but take Tasha to her Doctor Appt on Post, and talking to my HubbyWubby, and webcamming with my Soldier right now!!!!! :) EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!! Only 6 more days until he is home!!! And I really can't wait until he is home, because I really need him right now.... I am so sick and can't take care of myself, because of my Lupus flare up, BAD. I really hoping these steroids help me feel somewhat better, and I am. And I'm hoping it makes me feel even better with this steroids, we'll see!! So please pray they work way better!!!!

6 more days until MY HUBBY IS HOME!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! I am beyond excited!!! I just can't wait to see him in that airport and be in his arms, FINALLY!!! Feels like I haven't seen him in a YEAR!! I have no idea what I'm gonna wear this time, but it's gonna be way banging then when I picked him up for that Day. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I AM BEYOND HAPPY!!!! EEEEEEK!!!

*Baby, just 6 more days and your bending me over, HAHAHAH!!!! But seriously, I can not wait to finally be in your arms and you don't leave me again. I love you with all of my heart and soul and your just my everything, and thank you for everything you have done for me. Your the best Husband a Wife could have. And when I sent you pictures earlier when I look like complete shit you told me I am beyond stunning...and that just put a huge smile on my face. You always tell me how beautiful I am, even when I look the worse on some days. God has seriously blessed me with you as my Husband. After six and half years you STILL give me butterflies BabyLove. I love you more than anything in this world and would do anything for you. We are webcamming now so yeah. SEE YOU SOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH EEEEK!!!! AHHH!! EEEK!!!!!! Teehee!! Your sexy wifey, Rox*

AIT#2:Day Fifty-One.

I'm in so much pain it's not even funny. My left foot is so swollen from the Lupus it looks like a fat person's foot. I can't even walk on it... :( Hopefully SOON I can get on medication for Lupus and everything else. If you know what I mean!!



UCK I KNOW!!! It hurts so bad... :( I wish my Hunny were here to take care of me. 10 days BabyLove!!!

AIT#2:Day Fourty-Eight.

I am SAVED! So Tonight I was laying downstairs talking to Bruce on AIM and was just thinking about life and how I want to be closer to God and I just asked him to come into my heart and told him that I am truly sorry for blaming him for all the bad things that have/is happening in my life and told him I am not angry at him anymore and that I know what it's the Devils doing. And I just talked for him for like an hour. I AM SAVED!! I feel alive again and I haven't felt alive since the day my Mother died, which was over 3 years ago. I feel so much better. Don't get me wrong I am still depressed, but I feel as if my soul as been awaken. I am finally alive and I couldn't be more happier. I realize how truly blessed I really am. And I thank you God for giving me Bruce as my Husband. He is every woman's dream man. And I'm one of the lucky few who actually found a real man. Thank Lord. I feel so much better about everything and just words can't describe how I feel right now unless you have been saved yourself. And thank you baby for telling me and showing me how proud you are of me for getting saved. I love you and I'll see you in 13 days!! :)

AIT#2:Day Fourty-Five.

After Today 15 more days until my Husband is FINALLY home, and I seriously can not wait!! EEEEKK!! So many things to look forward too!! And I'm hoping when we TTC while he was home for that weekend that it worked. We'll see, keep them crossed!!! :) Didn't do anything at all Today but sleep, I'm in so much pain it is not even funny. I haven't seen my Therapist in like 2 weeks because she's on vacay and I REALLY need to see her. I'm going through a mental break down. I don't see her til the 29th, so I hope I don't do anything stupid til then. I'm not getting like any support from my friends but my sister, Tasha. So when people need me, I won't be here, because that's how it works. Infertility is really getting to me, BAD. I don't know how much longer I can be in mental and physical pain. It's been over too many years and even tried IUI and still no baby. I'm tired of watching everyone else around me start families and not me. And most don't even deserve it. I deserve it. And I will be the best mother alive. There's not question about it. But I guess til then I just gotta keep stay strong, but you can only stay strong so long, you know. And I'm also tired of so called friends trying to hurt me and rub it in my face, yes I am VERY happy for them and NOT jealous but just because they are pregnant and not going through Real Infertility doesn't mean they can rub and throw it in my face esp when they what I am going through. Sigh. I just want my Husband home so bad, I can't take much more of anything. ...

Some pictures Tash and I took. I swear we are camera whores when we are togethers, hehe. ;)