Womb With A Story: February 2006

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Funeral...

The funeral was today, and the service was so beautiful. hen I first got there I had a panic attack and ran out of the place. But my Grams, Dad and Brother came after me and told me it was ok and my Grams gave me a klonopin. I'm proud of myself for staying strong for my family, after that, and I didn't really cry but teared up, I HATE people seeing me cry. I knew my Mom would have wanted me to stay strong. She is in a better place and I'm happy that she is no longer in pain. I love her so much and nothing will ever change that. She is my mother and I am her daughter. She was the most wonderful mother and person and so very beautiful. I love you so much. I will try not to be sad, just like you told me, to not be sad when you died. I'm gonna miss you so much. Your the one of the greatest woman I know. I love you Mommy.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

RIP Mom...

Around 12:15 my daddy and I found my mom dead in her bed.. I can't beleive this at all. I miss her so much already and it doesn't seem real. I hope she is ok up there and knows how much I love her and I'll never forget her, and that she was the BEST mother a girl could have! Bruce might be coming home, if they let him..trying to not get my hopes but because we are not married yet and they don't let fiance's go home...I need him so bad right now..

Mom, I love you so much I now know that you are no longer in any pain and that you are in a better place. I miss you. Don't worry a bout Jr we will take good care of him for you. Don't worry about us either, we will be ok..I know that you loved us so much and you didn't wanna leave is, I love you with all my heart mommy..

.A Little About Me.

Hi, I'm Roxanne. I first started this blog to blog about my quest for baby hang. I've been TTC for about 5 years now with no success. I was told my only option to conceive was with IVF, couldn't afford it so IUI it was, even with a less than 2% I wanted to try, so I did some IUIs, no luck. I very recently got pregnant, NATURALLY!!! But ended in a miscarriage at 8 and half weeks in Aug 2011. I am now pregnant again!! Due July 16th, 2012 This blog will be about my Pregnancy, Infertiliy, TTC, grieving, me trying to get through life and struggling with 5 Autoimmune Diseases: Lupus, APS, Endometriosis, Fibromyglia, CFS, MTHFR....etc, and learning how to go through life on living back in the Civialian World. Just my everyday life.
I know that everything happens for a reason, I know things will work out for the best in the end. Just gotta keep your head up.

.Timeline.

Dec 1st 2006 ;; Started TTC

Oct 2009 ;; Started getting help from a Fertility Specialist.

Nov 12th, 2009 ;; HSG

Nov 12th 2009 ;; HSC

Dec 9th, 2009 ;; Put on Femara

Dec 18th, 2009 ;; 1st IUI - BFN

Jan 14th, 2010 ;; 2nd IUI - BFN

Feb 11, 2010 ;; 3rd IUI - BFN

June 28th, 2011 ;; BFP (naturally)

July 1st, 2011 ;; Beta=279!!

July 5th, 2011 ;; Beta= 1,200s!!

July 7th, 2011 ;; ER Trip. Beta- 5,000s!! Ultrasound, didn't get to see tho.

July 21st, 2011 ;; ER Trip. Beta=12,00s!! RhoGAM shot another ultrasound, didn't get to see.

July 22, 2011 ;; ER Trip. Beta=Dropped by a 1,000. Did an Ultrasound but baby's heartbeat was low. 93.

July 23rd, 2011 ;; Saw my OB. They did an Ultrasound, got to see my baby and see the heart actually beating!! Beta= 16,000s!! They went back up!! Heartbeat went up to 100!!!

Aug 2nd, 2011 ;; Went in for ultrasound, no heartbeat.. Went home and started bleeding...

Aug 2nd, 2011 ;; ER. They did an ultrasound no heartbeat.

Aug 10th, 2011 ;; OB wanted to see me, another ultrasound, about finished passing the baby.

Nov 7th, 2011 ;; BFP on HPT

Dec 3d, 2011 ;; ER. Beta 93,000. Heart rate 156!! EDD July 16th, 2012

RIP Michael Jackson - 1958-2009

Made By Me. Michael Jackson has touched my heart in SO many ways. He also had Lupus, and I really look up to him, because he still lived his life, and danced and everything through all the pain that comes with Lupus. I grew up listening to him. Started listening to him when I was 4 years old. It doesn't matter what mood I am in, every time I hear his music, I keep beyond happy and just dance. I love all of his songs, and honestly think he is, hands up, the greatest dancer that ever lived. And no one will ever be able to top him. He saved so many lives of children and helped so many children/people and just wanted World Peace and for no one to suffer. He was such a beautiful person on the inside and out and was just such an amazing person. My dream before I died was to go see Michael in Concert, and now that will never happen. I am still in shock and don't want to believe it, but I know he is in a better place and now no one can hurt him anymore. I didn't find out he had Lupus until he had passed away, I was in total shock. But know I know that if Michael that had Lupus among other Diseases like myself and still showed the world how great he was, then so can I, thank you Mihcael for giving me Hope. Michael Jackson was the only entertainer who truly made me happy even if I was in the worse possible mood. He may be gone, but he is still here with me and with all his true fans, that he loved so much.**Michael, you mean the world to me and have touched my heart so much, and your my inspiration. I wish I would have gotten to meet you, but I know I will see you in Heaven and be dancing with you. :) I'm glad you are no longer in pain and no one can hurt you anymore. I miss you and I love you with all of my heart.** Rest in Peace MJ.