How Can I Get Thru This? *UPDATE*

Last night my Grams, who also adopted me when I was 4 and raised me, lost her battle to lung cancer. My younger sister called me at 9:01pm and asked me if I was sitting down, I knew right then...I started screaming SOOO loud, my Husband ran up stairs and I kinda cried/screamed it out that she had passed..he rushed over to me and just held me as I screaminly cried at the top of my lungs. I kept trying to get away from him..was kicking my legs and the whole 9 yards... My sister was still on the phone and told my husband that I need to calm down..that pissed him off and me as well... I cried until I could not even cry anymore..had a few panic attacks, I stopped breathing, Bruce had to give me CPR a few times.. I am still in shock..I don't know what to do.. I was suppose to be home NEXT week to spend time with her..As I look at this picture of us...I can't believe it.. How could this happen?? I am bawling my eyes out while I write this... My Grams was a very hard working woman, super strong, never lost faith in God even when 2 of her children passed away within years of each other, or any other bad things that happened, she NEVER lost faith in God. She was the most loving mother, she did all she could for us kids. She was always there for me, about Infertility and my everyday battles. I am proud to say not only she is my Grams but my Mother as well. I am very blessed to have 2 mothers. They may be in Heaven, but I know they are both still here with me.

March 5th, 2010 *UPDATE* I am not doing so good with this..I am still in shock and just can't believe this is happening to me. I haven't cried much, since I found out, I guess because I just can NOT believe this, what so ever. My Grams has been there my WHOLE life and done such a great job in raising me. I honestly don't know if I can stay strong or be strong enough to get thru this. I know how strong of a woman I truly am, but this..I don't know... I am still dealing with my mom's death and now my other mother/grams'..Please tell me how am I suppose to get thru thrus? Because I don't know if I can..I just lost one (another) of the most important woman in my life..We should be going to Oklahoma on the 9th, the Judge should allow me to leave the state for this. I really can't wait to be home and I think it would help me, A LOT! I want to thank everyone who has been there for me, from the bottom of my heart, thank you SO much. It truly means the world to me.