To My Dearest Angel-in-Waiting,
I know I told you I was letting go of fear of not ever having you, but it's rearing it's ugly head back into my life.. Your Daddy is fixing to go back to war and fight the bad guys and I am scared I won't have conceived you before he leaves, and the doctors wanna
do a hysterectomy.... I don't want to do that, but this pain is just getting way TOO bad..and I'm so tied all the pain meds.. I am scared my sweetpea. I am scared I will never give birth to you, I am scared I will never get to hold you, I am scared I will never get to feed you, I am scared I will never get to bathe you, I am just beyond scared, of not getting to do ANYTHING that a mother gets to do with her newborn baby. Everyone around me is having their baby and I want mine, I want YOU. Every time I am out and about and see a mother comforting her baby, I wonder if I will do that for you? Or when a mother gives her baby their bottle, will I ever do that for you? Or when a mother is pushing her baby in a stroller, will I ever get to do that to you? I wonder so many things. I wonder will I EVER have you? And if so, when? Mommy is trying to not let this fear get the best of me. But sometimes negative thoughts and fears pop into my head, like right now. Now that we are trying to conceive you naturally again, it's even harder, because the doctor told daddy and I that we have a 1% of conceiving naturally.... Then told us we may never even get to have you if we don't do IVF, and that we should just adopt. It was so hard for mommy and daddy to hear the doctor tell us these things... Your Daddy is ALWAYS so positive and keeps the faith. I don't know how he does it, I really don't. He does not have this fear..I admire him for it. We already love you sooo much and we can't picture life without you ever not being in it. I'm just so lost at words sweetpea. Mommy is going to work on this problem I am having and get this fear out of my mind and life!! I love you so much my little sweetpea and I can't wait til your growing in mommy's tummy then home in my arms. Stay strong and Mommy will do the same. I love you so much my sweet Angel-in-Waiting.Love From A Mother-in-Waiting
What a sweet post. I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteyou will do all of those things with your baby! I know it's hard sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel but the light is there and you will reach it! *hugs!*
ReplyDeleteI am tearing up reading this...I wish for you the peace and the faith that you need...remember its God's timing for all things...I know it's so hard for you, I feel your pain. Its hard to relax and just let things happen. I pray that this cycle is your cycle. that this year is your year. I know you will be holding your sweat pea some day soon. {{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteFor a mom to be,
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only woman who wrote to her baby even before he/she was conceived. I said the same words over and over, "I love yo so much" even you don't exist yet. Keep the hopes up, don't give up don't allow it. Faith is not feeling but knowing that GOD knows why, when, where, etc.. My husband and I have just gone through IVF after 4 attempts of IUI that did not result in a pregnancy. The process is an emotional roller coaster, but completely worth it. I always thought that science could do all this only because GOD is working through their hands. Nothing happens unless is GOD's will. We are now just waiting... I strongly recommend that you consider IVF AND ICSI which we also did and just in case there are financial options available... LOVE, from someone who knows exactly how you feel.. GOD BLESS YOU