My Results.

So Today was day 10 of being late, and I could just feel, like I knew I was pregnant because I have never been that late, even with my 3 pregnancies, always had my periods. So I don't know if this is a new problem, but something I will have my Fertility Dr look into. The past few days I haven't slept, but a few hours, been waking up screaming and crying from the pelvic pain[Endo just sucks!] I even started the 2 kinds of Morphine pills and it still just wasn't helping. Needs more time to get use to my body and in my blood. But I would think the instant release ones would help, I'd take them and the pain would lessen for like an hour or so, but not take it away, then take some Percocets and they worked better. I think I need my PCM to just up the dose, because he started me on a low dose because too much Morphine can make you stop breathing. Well I woke up this morning, after sleeping for about 5 hours, and Bruce was home from lunch. I woke up screaming and crying from the pain. I didn't wanna wait for my blood test results to come back so I chose to go POAS and see what happens, well I take my purse, with my meds in it, into the bathroom, because I was gonna take a hot bath to help with the pain. As I went to POAS I saw blood....I instantly started crying my eyes out, my Husband runs in there and I show him... I was only spotting, but then as the hours went on it's heavy now... AF has finally arrived.... I couldn't stop crying, I knew we were gonna do IUI if I wasn't pregnant, but that does not make it ANY less easier.... I think this is the hardest cycle I have EVER been through... So I just got off the phone with my PCM's nurse and the blood test came back...BFN.... I hung up the phone and dropped it and started bawling again...then picked it my BlackBerry up and called my Husband and told him the news... I could hear it in his voice... His heart breaking, breaking with mine... 2 broken hearts... I really don't know what else to say, and I know I have all my girls, but I don't know if any words right now will help me feel any better, at all. I know there is still hope with IUI but right now I feel as if I can not go on... I kept asking my Husband after AF came, "Why is God doing this when we would make the best parents ever." "I don't understand why we have to go through this." He is always so positive and without him I could not get through any of this. I really look up to him for being so positive each month AF comes, and he always says, "There's always next months baby." He is right, "always next month" But it's been 3 years..so what 36 months now...?? But he has a way of keeping me positive and hopeful for the next month. And I love him so much for it. I really thought I was finally pregnant after all this time, physical pain and all the heartbreaks, but I guess I was wrong...