5dp-IUI.

Just gonna be a short update, since I'm too tired to think straight, haha! Today has been a great day!! Spent a lot of time with my wonderful Husband, laid in bed, cuddling and watching movies. He rubbed and kissed my belly SOOOO much Today, saying "baby in there" in a baby voice. It was BEYOND cute!! He is absolutely sure that I am pregnant, and I have a strong feeling I am too. :) The past like 2 days I have been craving nothing BUT sugar..LoL and still very very hormonal! Been having some pelvic pain [as always] but ever since I started the Femara and did IUI it's been a little worse than normally, the nurse said that it could happen... I also weigh 2 more pounds since I did IUI, so that is good!! The progesterone pills have been making me very very tired and way hormonal too, but gotta take them and I'll do whatever it takes. This 2ww seems to be going so slow for me, I'm not nervous about the 4th [testing day] I actually excited, but wish the 2ww was over already and it was Jan 4th so I can get my BFP!! :) I have so much faith in this cycle and I have put it in God's hands.

Our First IUI.

So we just got out of the Fertility Clinic from doing IUI. They did another ultrasound, everything looked SO perfect. So they got my ready. The only thing that hurt was the speculum, other than that it was fast and didn't hurt. Bruce not only got to watch but he got to inject his spermies into me!! I thought that was pretty neat! He did too, hehe! Then I laid there a little over 20 minutes. Then Today I'm gonna stay in bed and rest. :) They also put me on the 100mg Progesterone pills and I start those Monday. The pregnancy blood test is Jan 4th in the early am. I can't wait til the 4th! This 2ww is gonna be long! But glad the Holidays will keep me plenty busy. They also gave me another ultrasound picture of the Follicle. :) Since I've been making a Fertility Scrapbook for our baby! Thought it would be really neat to have a pic of the Follicle. :) My Husband and I are feeling very positive about this! And I know we will be getting out BFP in 2 weeks! Please pray for us and keep us in your thoughts, thank you! :)

Our 2nd IUI Appt.

Vlog on our 2nd IUI Appt. :)


My left ovary and my one follicle!! GO FOLLIE!! :) You can do it!! I have faith in you! :)

My Trigger Shot, didn't hurt one bit!! Was scared when I saw the needle though, LoL!!!

Got My 1st Trigger Shot.

So I got my 1st Trigger Shot in the mail Today, had to have it to bring to my 2nd IUI Appt Tomorrow. They are going to look at my Follicles and see how big they are and how many eggs I have. If it all looks good and right then the nurse will give me the Trigger Shot at my Appt. Which I'm hoping, because I don't wanna give it to myself..LOL! I'm really excited and can't wait to see my Follies!!! :) I hope they are how my Fertility Dr needs them to be able to do IUI. I hope I will be able to sleep Tonight, because I am way too excited. I have another Appt in the early am, to get off my Klonopin...man that's gonna be tough on my body. I'm already off my anti-depressants and bi-polar/sleeping meds for IUI. But it'll be worth it. :) When Hubby got home, we opened up the box with the shot in it...and I'm thinking..."I can not stab myself with that" LOL!!! Now I hope the Femara did it's job and I will be getting my Trigger Shot Tomorrow, then IUI either Friday or early this coming week!! :)

Wordless Wednesday.

So since we don't have our tree or anything Christmas up yet, I'll add some recent pictures for my Wordless Wednesday. :) Enjoy!!


Me, after seeing New Moon for the 2nd time. :) Dec 12, 2009


Me, after getting my hair trimmed. Crappy cell picture. Dec 11, 2009.


Romeo, Isabella and Juliet. Nov 2009.


Angel. Nov 2009.


Mommy and Destiny, our Husky at the dog park. Sept 4th, 2009.

Femara: My body Has Other Plans.

So last night I could not sleep because the Femara, it made me SO tired but when I went to fall asleep it took me hours, til I put Michael Jackson's music on, some slow songs, then I passed out. ;) But I kept waking up, in pain and having hot flashes from hell!! I am use to the hot flashes because the Lupron shot, and I still get them, but the Femara has made it way worse. And now I was looking on MySpace, and someone posted stuff about their pregnancy [very happy for them] but I just broke down and started crying...WTH??? I am also extremely neasous, I don't think I can even eat. I call the Fertility Clinic to see if I could be having all this so early, and they said yeah...well that sucks. I was hoping to have very little symptoms, but I guess my body has other plans for me. As always. The people at this Pharmacy called yesterday for the delivery for my Trigger Shot, and I'm really hoping my Insurance pays for them!! If not then it's fine, but would be nice if they will. :) We shall see! I should my Trigger Shot Thursday the 17th, then the nurse said we will see Thursday when we will be doing the IUI. I thought she said a day or 2 after the Trigger Shot, but they wanna look at the Follicles and get the timing right. But they said on Thursday I may not get my Trigger Shots, depends on where I'm at and everything. But YAY! I'm so excited. And I'm so glad they are gonna get Hubby's good spermies. :) I'm feeling so positive and I just know out of these 3 rounds of IUI one is going to work and we will finally be parents!! :)

Our First IUI Appt.

So the nurse called us in Today for an Ultrasound to check my ovaries and make sure I didn't have any cyst, and I don't so that is very good!!! I have a lot of Follicles already. but they are sleeper ones, have 2 big ones in both ovaries so that is very good. they wanna get atleast 2 in each ovary. but no more than that because they don't want me having triplets because of my weight.They have me Femara and I'm gonna start that Tonight, and take it for 4 days. Then I have another Appt next Thrusday for another Ultrasound and Trigger Shot. The deadline for IUI was 3 days after I called because the Holdidays, so I called just in time! I think that is a sign. :) I am really excited about this and feeling very very positive about this all. We already paid for 3 rounds of IUI, and boy that was expensive, but I'm glad we got that outta the way. Now on to getting me pregnant with Baby Hang!!! :)

My Results.

So Today was day 10 of being late, and I could just feel, like I knew I was pregnant because I have never been that late, even with my 3 pregnancies, always had my periods. So I don't know if this is a new problem, but something I will have my Fertility Dr look into. The past few days I haven't slept, but a few hours, been waking up screaming and crying from the pelvic pain[Endo just sucks!] I even started the 2 kinds of Morphine pills and it still just wasn't helping. Needs more time to get use to my body and in my blood. But I would think the instant release ones would help, I'd take them and the pain would lessen for like an hour or so, but not take it away, then take some Percocets and they worked better. I think I need my PCM to just up the dose, because he started me on a low dose because too much Morphine can make you stop breathing. Well I woke up this morning, after sleeping for about 5 hours, and Bruce was home from lunch. I woke up screaming and crying from the pain. I didn't wanna wait for my blood test results to come back so I chose to go POAS and see what happens, well I take my purse, with my meds in it, into the bathroom, because I was gonna take a hot bath to help with the pain. As I went to POAS I saw blood....I instantly started crying my eyes out, my Husband runs in there and I show him... I was only spotting, but then as the hours went on it's heavy now... AF has finally arrived.... I couldn't stop crying, I knew we were gonna do IUI if I wasn't pregnant, but that does not make it ANY less easier.... I think this is the hardest cycle I have EVER been through... So I just got off the phone with my PCM's nurse and the blood test came back...BFN.... I hung up the phone and dropped it and started bawling again...then picked it my BlackBerry up and called my Husband and told him the news... I could hear it in his voice... His heart breaking, breaking with mine... 2 broken hearts... I really don't know what else to say, and I know I have all my girls, but I don't know if any words right now will help me feel any better, at all. I know there is still hope with IUI but right now I feel as if I can not go on... I kept asking my Husband after AF came, "Why is God doing this when we would make the best parents ever." "I don't understand why we have to go through this." He is always so positive and without him I could not get through any of this. I really look up to him for being so positive each month AF comes, and he always says, "There's always next months baby." He is right, "always next month" But it's been 3 years..so what 36 months now...?? But he has a way of keeping me positive and hopeful for the next month. And I love him so much for it. I really thought I was finally pregnant after all this time, physical pain and all the heartbreaks, but I guess I was wrong...

Dear Santa.

I wrote Santa last night, and putting the letter under the tree... ;)

I know it's been about 15 years or so since I have wrote to you. I have a few things I want to ask you this year. If I am not pregnant, can IUI please work?? I will be honest with you Santa, I think if these 3 rounds of IUI don't work, which I'm pretty sure a round will work, but if not, then I think I may be done with TTC. And we adopt. You see Santa Infertility has really made my depression much worse and it just seems to be dragging me so down into a hole, I can not climb my way out of it. I've tried my hardest, and I can't. The pain from the Endometriosis just keeps getting worse and worse, and even with all the pain meds, it hardly helps and I can't go through life going through this pain and being on all these pain killers. After 3 years of TTC and Infertility, Santa, may I please have my BFP this Christmas? It would be the most wonderful Christmas, of my life. I wanna ask you 2 more things, Santa. With my Endo and Lupus will you, I know this is asking a lot for you, I know they can't be cured, but please help me get through my pain, and help my PCM get me into the Rheumologist as fast as he can, thank you. And as for my Husband, I already know what he wants for Christmas and it's the same as mine, but can you please help him deal with his Iraq stuff and help him with his shoulder pain from the scrapnel that's in there. I hate seeing him in pain, as he hates seeing me in pain. I know I am asking a lot this Christmas, for the past 3 years and many years I have asked you 1 thing and sometimes nothing. Thank you so much Santa.

Doctor's Appt.

So I went to see my PCM for a blood test, and well the results won't come in til the end of the day, so he's gonna call me and let me know if it's a BFP or BFN. Still no AF, I'm 7 days late. So we'll see in about 4-6 hours. He also took me off the Fentanyl patch and put me on Morphine. [for my chronic pelvic pain from Endo] Which I thought Fentanyl was stronger, but Morphine is stronger and the strongest pain killer. He put me on the long lasting ones, I take in morning and night, then he gave me the instant release ones, so I won't have to take Percocets for break through pain. But I'm not taking it until I know the results. He also said it's less of a risk to the baby than Fentanyl so that's good. If I' not pregnant now, then I'll be on the Morphine til I do get pregnant, then he will wing me off once I'm pregnant, but hopefully he calls with a BFP!!!! :) He also said I could be up to 2 months pregnant, since in Oct I had the weirdest cycle. So we shall see!! KEEP THEM CROSSED!! I feel really good about this. I have NEVER been 7 days late or gained over 10 lbs in a week. Now the waiting is gonna kill me. I hate waiting esp for results!!! And if I'm not pregnant than IUI! I'm really hoping I get my Christmas BFP!!!

Results.

So as soon as we got there they weighed me, and I weigh 107!!!!!!! :) So I'm very happy about that. I did eat a lot before going. But YAY 107!!!!! I'm gonna get to my goal, 120. :) Then they did a urine test...came back negative.. My heart felt like a bullet went through it. There are like NO words to describe how I feel right now... Then they gave me my first Progesterone shot, to make AF come. It is also the same shot I will be taking everyday when I'm pregnant til I'm 12 weeks to keep me from miscarrying. Didn't know it was the same shot, kind of interesting. It didn't hurt at all. The nurse said if I don't start in 2 weeks call them, then I'm most likely pregnant. So hopefully AF won't come at all. But if so they want me to call them when AF comes and then set up IUI. Sigh... I am so crushed right now... I thought we were finally gonna walk out of that Clinic with great news... I really have no words to say...

AF??? Pregnant???

So Today is day 5 of being late. So I had called my Infertility Dr and spoke to 2 of the nurses. I explained to them what is going on, that Today is day 5 of being late and that I also have gained 10 lbs in a week, which is weird for me because I have had a problem gaining weight my whole life. I weigh 104.6 and that's the highest I have ever weighed in my entire life and I'm 21. So I dunno what is going on. They want me to come in asap Today because I am at such high risk if miscarrying, and they need to know when I'm pregnant asap. They are going to do a pregnancy test and give me an injection to make my period start. I have never had any kind of injection like that before, so kinda nervous. And if the test comes back that I am not pregnant, I'm gonna try my hardest to be strong, and tell myself I am doing IUI now so no need to be upset. But we will see how that goes. This all is just weird and I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up, but I kind of did. I also have never had any problems with getting my period. I can always feel it coming because of how bad the Chronic Pelvic Pain gets [from the Endo] and it has gotten very bad as if I am starting, but nothing... I guess we will find out this afternoon. Sigh. I know whatever happens, happens for a reason.

My first 3 Blogger Awards.

So I have gotten 3 Blogger Awards from 3 very lovey ladies. It has really touched my heart to know that I have such great woman there for me, supporting me and keeping me sane through my Infertility Journey. Not just the 3 woman who gave me these awards but to all of you. Ya'll are truly amazing and the BEST support system, other than my Husband of course. :) So here I'll start with the first award and so on. I don't know too many of you that actually have a Blog, so I may mention you twice. But for the ladies who do not have Blogs, thank you for everything, and I will always be here for you, all of you. :)

Thanks again to Kate from Busted Plumbing

The rules for this award:

• Put Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
• Nominate atleast 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
• Link the nominees within your post.
• Let the nominees know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award from.

1) Kaitlin from Ah... My Married Life
2)100daysofIVF from Chasing a Mircale
3) Lisa from Waiting Lisa
4) Jenn from The Road To Happily Ever After
5) Becca from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog
6) Pregnant Yuppy
7) Tracy from Mission To Baby
8) Good Eggies
9) PCOSChick from His&Hers Infertility (Just Like The Matching Towels)
10) Cara from Living my Life With PCOS


Thanks again to 100daysofIVF from Chasing A Mircale.

The rules of this award:

• Each Superior Scribbler must turn in the award to 5 most deserving bloggy friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whome he/she received the award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link this post, which explains the award.
• Each Blogger who wins the Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
  

So here is 5 Bloggers. (Not in any order!)
1) Kaitlin from Ah... My Married Life
2) Becca from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog
3) Lisa from Waiting Lisa
4) 100daysofIVF from Chasing a Mircale
5) Kate from Busted Plumbing


Thanks to Kaitlin From Ahh... My Married Life

Rules for this award:

• Share 7 things you don't know about me.
• Name 7 other blogs to receive this award.
• Leave a comment on each of their blogs I nominated.
• Thank the person who gave you the award.

7 Things You Don't Know About Me:
1) My Husband is my First Love, First serious Boyfriend, First everything. And I have been with him since I was 14 years old.
2) I was born in Florida, but raised in Oklahoma. Moved to Alaska when I was 18 to be with my Husband (he's in the Army) Now we live in Colorado.
3) I don't spell Roxie, Roxee or Roxi. I spell it Roxy. But I prefer to be called by Roxanne, but call me Roxanne or Roxy, up to you.
4) Michael Jackson is just my everything and has touched my heart in so many way. He also had Lupus, and I really look up to him, for living his life and not letting this awful disease run his life. He is my insperation. And I can be in the WORST possible mood and put his music on and be in the happiest mood. I've been listening and dancing to Michael Jackson since I was 4 years old.
5) I was adopted by my Grandparents. My sisters, brother and I finally got to live with my Mother and Father when I was 17 for about 7 months, then my Mother died during that time, while my Husband was in Iraq. I had found her body, now I have PTSD. And just miss her beyond words can say, we were very very close.
6) When my Husband was in Iraq for 16 months 05-06, he got mortared(basically a flying bomb)and it almost killed him. He has scrapnel in his shoulder and forearm, and hurts him really bad. And I wish I could take his pain away and do something for his PTSD.
7) My Husband is Asian (Vietnamense) and I don't like any type of Asian food, only the rice, LOL!!!

The 7 people I am giving this award to.
1) Kate from Busted Plumbing
2) 100daysofIVF from Chasing a Mircale
3) Becca from Liberal Granola Girl's Blog
4) Cara from Living my Life With PCOS
5) Lisa from Waiting Lisa
6) Pregnant Yuppy
7) PCOSChick from His&Hers Infertility (Just Like The Matching Towels)

3 Years.

So Today marks 3 Years of TTC. I'm not really upset about it, just kinda shocked that it has taken us 3 Years. When we first started I didn't think it would take us as long as it has... But I'm gonna stay positive because I know God has a plan for us and he is not putting us through Infertility for no reason. And we are doing IUI soon. So I am gonna stay positive about it all. Everything happens for a reason and I know that now. On other note: AF still has yet to come, today would make me 4 days late. I really hope she does not show Today of all days, that would be sucky. But I wish she'd hurry up and come so we can do IUI! :) Gonna stay positive all day, stay positive Roxanne!!!! ;)