Why We Must Wait?

As I lay here in bed, watching the clock change and hit 2:37am, I can't help but wonder why me or any other woman must go through Infertility? Out of all the other woman on Earth, having babies and getting pregnant, he picks us to go through Infertility? Not knowing rather or not we will be a Mother. As I think of all my Friends that have children/pregnant [yes I am happy for them] I can't help but wonder why them and not me? I know that it does not make me any less blessed, but why must I wait years and these woman wait months? I know God has a plan for all of us, and that obviously they were not meant to go through Infertility and we are. I think God picks out the woman that are tough enough to handle Infertility, because a lot of woman can hardly go through a couple months of TTC. I knew having a baby was a blessing, but 3 years of going through Infertility it has really opened my eyes and see how huge of a blessing a baby truly is. And I would never give up nor give up on my baby. Because giving up is the same as giving up on your baby. And that I could never do, no matter how bad my heart is aching or how bad my Chronic Pelvic Pain is from Endometriosis from TTC. I do know I will be a Mother, there is no doubt about it, what so ever. When God thinks it's the right time he will bless my Husband and I with a beautiful healthy baby. Me and every woman going through Infertility, God does have a plan for us, and we will have our baby, when the time is right. I think he puts us through Infertility to make us stronger so we will be the best Mothers there ever were, to see how much a blessing a baby truly is, to learn from it and to see how far we are willing to go for our baby. I don't have the answer on why we must wait and go through Infertility, but I do know God is putting us through Infertility and making us wait for a reason.

I'm still laying in bed and it's now 3:10am and my Percocets and muscle relexor have kicked in, I'm still having some Pelvic Pain and my back still hurts, but I think I can actually sleep now. AF is 2 days late, but I know she's on her way because of how bad my Pelvic Pain is. [And the period cravings, hehe] When she does make her appearance I'm going to try my hardest not to get more depressed than I already am, because we are doing our 1st round of IUI in December or January. And that is something to really look forward to and I just know it will work. And no matter what happens my Husband is always here, helping me through this and keeping me positive [so are all you ladies!] A few hours ago we watched a movie and at the end a couple had a baby and it really put me down. My Husband knew right away and just ignored the movie and held me and started rubbing my belly and saying "I know you are upset but by this time next year we will have our baby and you will have the cutest bump. Soon my love." And those words instantly put me in a positive mood and I know that he is right. I don't know how he does it, he always puts me in a positive mood about it and just knows what to say. And I'm so blessed to have such a great man as my Husband and standing behind me through all of this. My Thanksgiving was great, so was Black Friday and my weekend! I will post some pictures up later when I get them from my BIL. :) I hope ya'll had a great Thanksgiving!! :)

HSG.

So I had my HSG this morning and man the pelvic pain from that is worse than the HSC. Endo really sucks! My tubes are great! So I'm glad for that. One of the nurses are gonna call in about a week, after our blood work gets back, for an appt about treatment. So we'll see. Suppose to be doing IUI this coming cycle, may do it in January. I have hope and faith and I know it'll work out for my Husband and I. He got the day off to take care of me, so that's nice! I'll do the 5 things later...

HSC.

I had my HSC done, hurt me beyond bad! I'm still having the worse pelvic pain. For those that don't know what a HSC is, it's where they stick a camera up you and into your uterus and take pics. Everything looks great he said, nothing wrong with the inside of it, looks perfect for a baby. Once he hit my cervix I started crying because it started hurting me and he seemed mean and was like do you want to start? I said no just do it. Then after he was done he was all like how are you going to handle being pregnant if your already so miserable now and how you reacted when I hit your cervix, you may still have pain from the Endo when your pregnant. You may need to find another way to have a baby, like someone else carry your baby or adoption. I told him I would be able to handle it. And when he said you may need to find another way, I'm laying there thinking wtf. I know I will be able to handle the pain, I've done it plenty of times without any pain meds. I haven't TTC 3 years just to let someone else carry my child or adopt. But anyways, everything looked great and I'm glad. I have the HSG tomorrow. I'm just so glad the HSC is out of the way and I did it first.

A Thousand Maybes.

My Husband and I have been thru so much in the 6 years and 9 months. We've been married 2 years 11 months and while we've been married it's been one thing after another. I know that God has a huge great plan for us. Do you know why I believe that? The Devil tries so hard to break us apart and the fact that we are still together, happy and strong. I don't know what the Lord has planned for us, but when it happens we will definitely know.

Maybe God hasn't want us to conceive these past 3 years, maybe because He thinks we haven't been ready, or maybe because I didn't know about some of my health problems, maybe because of all my health problems, maybe because we were having money issues, maybe he knew/thought we would miscarry again if we got pregnant then, maybe because... Well I'm running out of "maybes" because I honesty don't see why God hasn't given us the most blessing of all, because we are over ready and would be the greatest parents. Just maybe he wanted to put us thru Infertility so we would know how much a blessing a baby is. There could be a thousand maybes, but only God knows and only God knows when we will be blessed with our Miracle baby. But infertility has opened my eyes and taught me things like being negative and being stressed will get you no where, that there is a reason for everything, that a baby is the most blessing you can receive, that creating a life with your Husband out of love, is the most beautiful thing. Most days I am positive, but once AF comes I get discouraged and sometimes feel like giving up. But I think giving up on my Dream to be a Mother would be worse then going thru all the heartbreaks and physically pain each month, because that's all I've ever wanted to do, is be a Mother. I will never give up on having our own child until I'm holding our sweet baby in my arms. But those days when I start to think negative and giving up, I just imagine myself holding our baby, getting up at all hours of the night to feed our child, changing diapers, giving our child a bath, rocking our baby to sleep, and the one that ALWAYS puts a huge smile on my face and turns that negatively into positive is picturing Bruce holding our child. I see how he is with other babies/kids and how he fathers our Fur-Babies he will be the best Daddy, no question about it. And he also keeps me positive. He is so great to me and wants a baby so bad, probably more than me, LoL. He LOVES Kids. Before he joined the Army he was in college to be a Kindergarten teacher. Too cute, I know! :) But I do know it will happen when the tine is just right.

Got a very busy week this week. Tomorrow Pre-op at the Fertility Clinic and Therapy, also Hubby's Appt for his shoulder, Wednesday HSC, Thursday HSG. So gonna be a busy and painful week. Just hoping the HSC and HSG comes back perfect like last year. So I should get some rest, I'll be a littke busy bee tomorrow. Goodnight ya'll!

Waiting Wednesday.

So Today I waited around for the Nurse at the Fertility Clinic to call me, to set up my HSG and HSC for next week. Well I have my pre-op on Monday, then my HSC on Wednesday and my HSG on Thrusday. Last year I had them they really hurt me because of the Endometriosis and my Chronic Pelvic Pain, and it just makes it a million times worse!!! I am really not looking forward to getting them done. but I will do anything to have this baby. And I have done a lot, I do something everyday for my child. I go through physical pain. And it's so worth it. :) I'm putting it in God's hands. He knows what he is doing and I have faith in him.

Our Fertility Appt.

So just got home from our Fertility Appt, and it went really great!!! We are doing 3 rounds of IUI, 1st round next cycle, since I just started my period on the 1st, which is good because we don't have to wait a whole another month, to do all the testing before IUI, which I have already done, but they wanna do it again since it's been a year. Bruce and I both got blood work done while we were there, then next week I am doing HSG and HSC [again, and MAN they hurt so bad!!!!] Then a few days after my next cycle starts they are giving me Femara pills for a few days, so when I ovulate, I have more than 1 egg. Then IUI on the 15th day. They are also freezing a like 3 samples of his spermies. Just in case he leaves here soon. They are also gonna pick out his good sperm. I have a really good feeling about this!!! I really do. Then once I am pregnant I will be getting that shot everyday for 12 weeks to keep me from miscarrying. So we'll see!! :) I have the best feeling about this!!! God does know what he's doing and I have faith in him!! :)

Some pics from Today.


Mommy & Isabella. :)


Juliet sunbathing, as always. :)


Juliet and Angel, wanting Mommy to pick them both up, LoL!


And Me. :)