AIT#2:Day Twenty-Six.

Didn't really end up doing anything Today but watch Michael Jackson's Memorial Service and just cried my eyes out. It was VERY hard to watch but I will never forget it or forget Tasha grabbing my hand to hold it while they were singing I'll Be There., our song. <3 Tasha had another seizure Today, I picked her up and laid her on the floor on her side, made her keep her eyes open. She had one 2 or 3 nights ago and stopped breathing, I gave her CPR and she came back but didn't know where she was or who I was for a few mins. Think it's from her Lupus meds that she is no longer on, but still in her system. That shit scares me too death, and I'm not getting on meds for Lupus because ALL of them a side effect is seizures and shit...scary..

AIT#2: Day Twenty.

Just hung out with Tasha and watched Michael Jackson stuff on the TV, and webcammed with my Hubby and stuff, so that was nice, I love seeing his face!! He wrote me a poem and he is just too sweet.. GOD I LOVE HIM. Only 40 more days BabyLove!!

So I sit here thinking about you late at night,
I think about all of the times we fight.
It kills me inside when you say that you hate me,
And just to leave you alone and let you be.

I see the person that I am and I don't like it,
Makes me feel terrible, feel like shit.
I am working on becoming who I was,
And do more things like this poem just cause.

I am amazed by how you are strong,
And how you have held out this long.
You make me so proud to be your Hero,
When for the longest time I thought I was a zero.

I promise to you my love, my everything,
That I will become the man who used to sing.
The man who always made you smile,
The man who would stare at you for awhile.

You are getting the help that you need,
And hopefully with you I can plant my seed.
I hope that with each day you get better,
And I will too, I promise to the letter.

We will become that couple that people are jealous of,
Because we have that kind of love.
I will always be there for you,
Because our love is so true.

AIT#2: Day Fifthteen.

So if you know me good, you know I'm in love with Michael Jackson.... And I'm just still shocked he passed away, GRR, pisses me off. I've been sd all day and crying.. Just really upsets me, I grew up listening to him, and trying to dance like him, haha. I guess the good do die young...I"m in total shock still, when I first heard about it Yesterday, I thought it was a joke. I know he had health problems, but I guess I was in shock and didn't want to believe it. My dream before I died was to see him dance in person... He was going on Tour and coming to Colorado.. UGH.. I know he will never be forgotten, I know I'll never forget him. He was the best dancer of our time, and NO ONE will dance as good as him. And a lot of his songs have touched my heart. RIP MJ... Anyways, Tasha flies in Tonight!! So I'm really excited. We are gonna do some special for Michael Jackson, we both loved him and his work..

AIT#2: Day Thirtheen.

11:45am: Well I just got back from Therapy, and I actually feel A LOT better today and just content!! I only got 2 hours of sleep last night, and I have SO much energy. So Romeo and me are about to go up in the Mountains and walk some nice trails and take some pictures. :) It's such a beautiful day outside, I gotta take advantage of it, and of actually feeling like I have energy!! I'm in a lot of pain, but I'm not letting that stop me or upset me at all Today. Today is all about me! And I'm gonna go enjoy myself. Update later!! Have fun in Class Baby, I LOVE YOU! And I'll call you when I get out of the Mountains! And stop worrying so much, I'll be fine. I'll have my attack dog, hahaaa!!! :) Hope everyone has a GREAAAAT! day Today!!!


3pm: So I just got back from the Mountains with Bubba!! And we hiked as far as Mommy's feet could, then went and sat down at the waterfall. Mine and Bruce's special place!! :) It was so peaceful out there, the water running, birds, wind...AHHHH FREEDOM!! :) I seriously love it out there!!! It just makes me feel so free and good!!! Romeo had a blast too!! When I tried to get him down by the waterfall, he flipped, so I stuck his butt in the car..LoL. Well I'm waiting on Bruce to finish cleaning his room, "room inspections" Then gonna webcam with my Husband then I'm gonna go to bed EARLY!! Since I only got 2 hours of sleep last night!!!

AIT#2: Day Three & Four.

So yesterday when I got home I was way too tired to Update. Went up in the mountains with Bestie and to the hunted tunnels, nothing really scary happened, just a BUNCH orbs. So was pretty fun, but woulda but much more fun if spooky stuff happened.







Oooh the ghost of little children... LOL. Good times!!! Anyways didn't do much after that, just went home and rested because I ended up getting sick. Then Today, I really didn't do much because I've been in a lot of pain, and I was trying not to take my pain pills, but I didn't go me!! I ended up cleaning the house, And then just went to Walmart and got some food and stuff for the Kids. I'll probably just chill with Tasha, since she flies out Tomorrow, and rest. I'm 3 days late, and took a preggo test, came back negative of course, but maybe it too early, I really hope this is the month of us. Keep them crossed!!!

Over Due Update!

Guess it's time for an update, well Bruce got his orders for AIT, he's reclassing so has to go back, and class starts June 12 and he graduates AIT August 13th. (wanted to go see him graduate but he'll be all the way in SC :(....) For those who know all the mental/health problems I am going through, know that him being gone will be HELL for me... It'll be harder than the 16 month Deployment we went through. And I'm not suppose to left alone, esp at night, because my PTSD and certain stuff that comes with the PTSD... And I would go to Oklahoma while he is gone, but I can't because I have a lot of Doctor Appts, and most are very important. So yeah... So my bestfriend/sister Tasha is gonna come stay with me! Also they may move us from a different base, well try. We did a Compassionate Reassignment from Alaska, BECAUSE of my mental/health problems, and all my Doctors wanted me close to my Family in Oklahoma, so they moved us to Colorado. Well with the Compassionate Reassignment they aint suppose to be moving us, soo we are fighting it, and by the time I'm done with them, they won't end up moving us. A lot of people and all my Doctors are helping us out. Compassionate are really hard to get!!!

As for TTC, we are gonna do 2 rounds of IUI (even though it's a 2% chance it even working...) while he is gone, so yes, we will still be trying!! No breaks for us!! :) Totally gotta love the 21 Century, haha!! Also Destiny's (our Husky) her puppies are due June 6th... Our Lab for her pregnant!! And we still have 2 Chihuahua puppies to sell.. I swear when we get the money all are getting fixed, because with my health I can't do this!! When we drive to Oklahoma this month or very beginning of June, we are dropping our Lab off there, so he is gonna stay there while my Hubby is gone, so it's a little less for me to deal with. So that'll be a little easier... well then again gonna have MORE puppies (and by the looks of it, she's gonna have A LOT) it may be a little more to do.

I'm SOOOO thankful that he is bringing the laptop and will be able to get on everyday, and be able to call/text me. Yes, I know it is not a Deployment, I have been through one...But if you were going through everything that I am 52 days would be very hard for you too...and having Separation Anxiety from him, makes it harder. And he just helps me so much, he's always there to help me get my pain pills if I'm not by them, and am in too much pain to walk and get them myself, he just helps me out with EVERYTHING, because with my health problems, a, it's just hard for me to do normal daily stuff...like housework..etc.. I'm not your normal "housewife" And I can't be, and yeah I do feel sometimes like a bad Wife.. With my health...that just aint gonna happen... And I told Bruce about it, and he says I'm not, and that it's not my fault that I have all these health problems, but I just still feel that way sometimes... I just really want to be healthy, and feel normal... I'm tired of being extremely tired, in pain and eating pain pills like candy... I feel 80 years old..haha..

Just hopefully the 2 months will go by super fast...and busy for me... *sighs* This is gonna be way too hard... Please keep me and him in your prayers, thank you. I hope ya'll all are doing great!!

Test Results.....

So my Appt today didn't go so good... it's confirmed... I have Lupus... which I kinda figured, because that's just my effin' luck... They are sending me to Rheumatology... they also found out I have another Autoimmune disease, Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome... I don't really know much about it, because I wasn't really listening to her explain it... but it causes blood clots and stuff... This is really just my effin' luck huh... 2 more damn things to deal with it... I just... I don't know how to deal with ALL this stuff I'm going through all at once... I'm just so overwhelmed with shit... And I can't stress at all.... because that's the worse thing for Lupus.. and it's just so hard to NOT stress about everything going on... Please keep me in your prayers...

Juliet's Birth Story.

Well Juliet had her puppies on Feb 1, 2009. And they are just the cutest little babies!! We were on our way back from FoCo (2 hour drive from home) and I brought Juliet with me, because I didn't want her to give birth, and me not be there, just incase something were to happen. Well Bruce and I were in Denver when she started giving birth to her first pup, which is an hour away from home. Well she had 3 puppies in the car, but took 2 hours to get home, because we spotted and stuff. Then 2 at home. I had to pull 4 puppies out, because they were coming out wrong. WITH NO GLOVES...LOL. Well she had 6 puppies, but 1 was a stillborn, I bawled like a baby, but anyway.. 3 boy and 2 girls. We are keeping 1 of the girls, and named her Bella. :) I'm in love with them all!! I really am. :) It's gonna be hard to give them away.


The turned out all looking like her, but the grey one, my Isabella. :)